All the things of about me that have ever been and you could wash an eternity of memory in laughter and dine on the lemons of sobriety and the sweet reprieve of mortality - together and on and on in jumbling run and rum of kind - we would prattle fruits in conversations with meaning beyond our grounded perception - with gods and misunderstandings of superstition and imagination. We would dream of happy things always if only we had a choice of dreams. But alas we live and grow older, and it gets better as we go, and we live for a long time, and then we die and so be it to all the imaginings.....

And who would we be but to care, and hope - to things like love and the desire of happy things - to bring an end to suffering. To believe in beauty and joy. To believe that the warm tender touch of intimacy can come free of drama and bath in the warmth of company for a time and goodbyes be pleasant and adventures experienced to their extreme - To feel alive and know that this is something, that we are right here, living, and whoop-dee, but its something, and fucked if i know, but fuck yeah. and sometimes you have to take it to the windmill, with the abuse, and the fire, and the metal on metal of pointless male gyration. and sometimes you take the harpoons of harpies - and eternity rolls, and on some level, none of it matters.

And the things we say today can mean anything tomorrow, and the apricots of yesterday are everything next week.

i am the reflection of intellectual light
i am calming the savage beast that i am
i am the ego of my egos
i am the incarcerated witch of time
the manifestation of our desire
i am all of our wigglyjiggilies
and from me to you and back again
i shall be still like the wind
until the end of suffering

i have come from the lovers
from the childish nature of angels
the seriousness of youth
the cleanliness of satan
all the mystic trees
stand around my parents
simple love

i am spirit flowing free
the gift of life
i am eternal youth and beauty
especially in my old age and wisdom
i am no tawdry explanation
i am the prepared mind of truth unveiled
i am glorious undying beauty
falling out of myself
through every pore and orifie
i am supernal Understanding
standing in undetermined confusion
wondering why and how
amongst strange sufferings
and lonely candle lit dinners

i am going to my successes
and their challenges
the fortune of my future
is the future of my fortune

why do your dogs hound my ancient soul
in all this time and all my youth
your children still confuse me

i shall ride my full course
and shatter my imagined selves
my cosmicness
nothing but romantic chivalry
but all the same – true and honest
i am the swift skill and bravery
of nobility
i have the capacity to address and endure
to fight no fight
but become wrath, war and destruction
become oppositions ruin
to destroy destroying
become creation
i am the holder of my death
and of everyone elses
as they are of their own
and mine
and spontaneous combustion of us all
and sweet Mary-Rose as death
the end a noble retreat
of humble home and country life
domestic harmony
the perfected work of earthly life